Something came to mind yesterday that I haven't really pondered in a long time. Maybe I never really gave much thought to it: why I feel the need to create. By this I'm talking about drawing, making music, and biggest of all: making this film. Do I do this to be successful? Is it for money? Is it to have a career? Is it to gain recognition from people?
I remembered back to when I was a kid. I loved to make elaborate fantasy buildings out of simple wooden building blocks. I loved to color in coloring books. I loved to make things with construx. I loved to draw with crayons...usually monsters or race cars. No one was paying me to do this. I felt no pressure to do it. I made things because it was fun. I made things because it was a great challenge. It excited me. It made me feel good. I was happy to show these things to other people too. I was stoked on creating.
The last ten years I made a humble living out of drawing. Drawing stuff for companies. This can be great, if I'm working on cool stuff, or on something I care about or believe in. But when creating turns into a high pressure grind, it no longer really feels like creating. It feels like a chore, it feels like work. It's no longer fun.
When the biggest worry is what job will come next, and tailoring my art to meet those requirements...it really no longer feels creative. It really is not fun. Am I stoked on this? No. If the only reason I am creating something is to meet the expectations of someone else, it's just not fun. It's not really even art.
I've gotta keep remembering why I originally loved being creative, because I had fun making things. I want to have fun making stuff. I want to return to the approach to art I had as a kid: just create because I want to. Because it feels good. And because it's fun.
Pictured in the frame grabs above, clockwise: Bleronk on his way back down, Daniel Amar, and Blacky.